Heartbreak. An article by our Young Reporters

Bruised. Battered. Betrayed. In 2018 two million adults between 16 and 59 were bruised domestically by partners. 37% of pregnant women battered by their Husbands. Men are betrayed by their wives as 5% now suffer domestic abuse during their lives. The police are making more arrests so why aren’t victims coming forward? Well partly because, of the humorous attitude taken towards domestic abuse. Men are only just beginning to talk about mental health making this prospect even harder. Women find this prospect difficult also with the fear of people like that ‘judging and not believing’. You may think if it’s that bad why don’t you just leave? Do people forget you can’t just fall out of love; feel no different like when the seasons change. Abusers are clever, they know how to isolate you from friends/family, they’ll apologize/say it’s a one of and in some cases there’s the children to think about. Domestic abuse: exercising power and control physically, emotionally, sexually but wait it’s never that simple with an abusive partner. Financial abuse is becoming very common today. You could share a joint account with your partner who is preventing you access for basic resources e.g. food/ clothes. You think of leaving then worry: where would you live? How would you pay your bills? What sort of life would your children have? Still people ask the question ‘why don’t you just leave?’ It could affect anybody: races, genders, sexualities everyday somebody. Bruised. Battered. Betrayed.

Factors such as jealousy, desire for control and taking pain out on others could potentially be triggers of somebody becoming abusive. When conducting research, I was horrified to find an option of ‘what causes men to be abusive’ in my search bar. Can’t women have these factors too? In a recent domestic abuse case, a young man became isolated and imprisoned as his girlfriend confined him to the house. Stabbing, burning, striking him constantly. She prevented him using social media isolating him from friends/family, showing women can be controlling. She told him his Grandad had died which was untrue, showing women can be jealous. She poured boiling water down his back in anger, showing women can take their feelings out on others. You may tease your mate because, his wife has given him a black eye saying he isn’t a real man but if a man slapped a woman the man would be a tyrant; as children are taught it’s never okay to hit a woman. If we want Gender equality, we must accept that hitting a partner isn’t okay no matter what their gender. Feminism has done wonderous things for our country we’ve realised it isn’t 1919 anymore 1920 came and wife beating was made illegal. Please don’t make your attitudes reverse thinking it’s okay to hit men by 2020.

Isn’t it nauseating that women beating was once legal? Nauseating because, children learn what love and the joy of family is from parents. Not all families are paradise! Out of respect to victims and their children who have experienced/ witnessed Domestic Abuse I think arguments between parents should happen away from children. No child wants to hear the people who taught them what love is shouting; being hateful towards each other. It only hurts them and creates patterns of learnt behaviour. I think it’s time to end this now as one in seven children live with Domestic abuse during their childhood.

Although it’s never as simple as you should just pack a bag and leave there are ways to get yourself out of danger. A woman died thinking she knew how to work the silent solution system, thinking help would be sent for and she’d survive. She believed just dialing 999 and not speaking would still send for the police however, without pressing ‘55’ the police weren’t sent for and she was devastatingly killed by her ex-partner. This tragedy inspired the police to create the new campaign ‘Get yourself heard’ spreading the need to press 55 so that help does come, causing a sense of relief to flood through our streets but not everybody knows about it. So, spread the word to dial 999 and press 55 and lives will be saved because of you.

Article first appeared in Grimsby Telegraph 28th May 2019.

Article by Young Reporter Charlotte